Off to the Desert Again

.......and it's off to the desert we are again; leaving Saturday 23rd returning Monday 1st (all going well). We are going to clear out the house for the possibility of renters (George's dad's place). The weather should be nice and warm although not the stifling heat we experienced when last there in July.

Ajo (pronounced Ah Ho) is a couple of hours or so from either Phoenix or Tucson & is just a small town with few shopping options, so anything major required involves almost a full day by the time you travel there, shop and return. Not convenient but it's what is on our plate at the moment.

George is also going to engage another lawyer to look after the estate because the first one it seems has disappeared, not answering phone calls, emails or even calls from the Bar Association (another story all on its own). So we shall be busy I think!

George's brother will be meeting us there this time so we will have help & that is definitely a good thing...:):)

Our flight leaves at 8:15 out of Seattle on Saturday so I think we will be up and on our way before breakfast. We will have to leave home (coffee cup in hand) at around 3:00 am. Mocha will be staying at our landlord's place; we will have to take her there tonight; I somehow think they might not like to be awakened at 2:30 am to receive my little Mocha.

So......absent I will be (although not without leave) for just over a week; I will report fully on my return......:):)

Did You Find What You Expected?

Two men were standing near the entrance each with a bag in hand, one bulging with produce, the other containing only a couple items. The full bag was held by a man who stood tall smiling the biggest brightest smile; the bag with few items inside was held by a man slumped down scowling at the ground. "That was a wonderful shopping experience with so many fresh vegetables to choose from. I will make my family a delicious dinner tonight. I will be sure to shop at this market again" said the excited smiling man. Responding to that the other man barked "I have never seen such rotten produce with so little to choose from. I will not even be able to make my family a small salad for dinner. I won't be coming back here to shop again".

This is similar to the tale of two men visiting an ancient city with a gate keeper who prompted the two visitors about what they could expect to find once inside the gates of the city; one he told would find friendly helpful people, a lot of produce to choose from with many bargains; the other he told would find unfriendly people who wouldn't help him, who wanted only to take his money & give nothing in return. The two visitors reported to the gate keeper on their way out of the city, saying they had each found exactly what they were told they would find.

Whether the two men shopping at the market were actually promted openly about what they could expect, I believe they were indeed prompted. They went to the market each with their own expectations and not foresaking them, these expectations (prompts) proved true.

What we expect to find, I believe is exactly what we will find. If we go out expecting to find dishonest people who are not willing to help us, that is what we will find; expect to find honest people who are helpful then honest people will be waiting to help us.

On occasion I get a surprise but most times I find what I expect; how about you?

A Lesson

A Lesson

In all things, perhaps buried deep, there is a lesson
lose it not from sight
It can seem somehow there is no chance of winning
but it's worth the fight
In all things, perhaps buried deep, there is a lesson
find it and hang on tight
It can seem somehow the sun has gone from our life
but it's probably just night

This little verse, I wrote for a friend a couple years ago and I come back to read it now and again because all too often I have occasion to question what has happened, not necessarily to me although sometimes, but to my friends and loved ones, asking the one question we have all asked at some time or other......WHY. It's the one thing I struggle with most I think.....accepting. Although everyone has different beliefs, I believe that we are all here on a predetermined path of our own choosing and yet I sometimes have such a hard time accepting the way things unfold.
"Why does life have to end before it has begun?" I ask when a wee babe dies before they have learned to crawl........as I hold closer my very precious beautiful babies & grand babies.

"Why do so many innocent people have to suffer?" I ask when the wars with seemingly no purpose continue..........as I remain safe, warm and protected inside my own home.

"Why are there so many starving people in the world?" I ask when I see pictures from the third world countries........as I scrape the bits remaining from a plate that has just held a delicious meal.

"Why did that young mother have to die?" I ask when the drunk who drove the car that forced hers off the road receives a meagre a fine.........as I am still able to drive down the street.

"Why did she have to leave us?" I asked when my beautiful daughter went to bed and didn't get up the next morning............as I remain here and miss her every day.

"Why, Why, Why"...........there seems never an answer........but I know

In all things, perhaps buried deep, there is a lesson.......

I just have to continue looking (and looking) until I find it..........and sometimes the answer might be just as simple as.......'it's probably just night'.....

Dreams Add Texture

Having heard it said that 'dreams add texture to your sleep' I would have to conclude as well that 'dreams add texture to your life'.

To answer the call (thanks Twilla for the topic) I will try to tell you about my dreams, lost and living.

Sadly and in hindsight, I think I grew to become afraid to dream. Probably because of many disappointments, some hurts, some stumbles, a few falls and the like, my dreams remained in the background, safe from scrutiny and failure; so far back and so safe from inspection they became lost to me. I recall now that I held back from expressing excitement, happiness, new ideas, dreams, always afraid of their reactive power on others and more, I was afraid of being told the dream was somehow inappropriate or even a waste of my time or any number of other like comments. What better way to snatch away dreams from someone......to treat them in such a negative way. I seemed to learn to be wary about what others would think of me.......if I did this that or the other.......if I didn't do this that or the other.

A couple dreams survived though............

The first, rather contradictory to my person because I don't especially like daring midway rides (the roller coasters etc.) but I have always wanted to learn to fly.......an aircraft of course (well yes I would like to be able to fly myself too - guess that could be considered a dream!). I think at this stage in my life, the odds of accomplishing this dream are now slim, but I still have the dream. I still think of what it would be like to be able to fly an airplane among the clouds, watching the scene below, wondering what all the those 'tiny' folk were doing or thinking right at the very moment I passed by.

The second, (although I think, a little less stronger than a dream) was to learn photography. I have forever taken pictures & had an interest in the field, just never taken any courses to further that interest. Most times I haven't even learned how to operate & take advantage of all the features on my camera.

I am still learning not to worry so much about others & what they think of what I do, say or what I would like.

Another Christmas

Not everyone gets to celebrate Christmas twice! We celebrated three times! It was great! We had a dinner & exchanged gifts with Aaron & Katie in December (before Aaron went to Hawaii & Katie to Kamloops); a second time with Karli & Tobias on Boxing Day; then January 16 was our third Christmas celebration with Eric & Robin (away in North Carolina for Christmas) and Aaron & Katie. We had ham instead of turkey but it was a great day, yummy dinner, lots of laughs, good company and a few games of dice afterwards......very enjoyable. The sun shone brightly........(a plus).

After weeks of rain and dark dreary days I was overjoyed to see the sun! Unfortunately it's not shining as I post this but I take heart that it will return.

So, Merry Christmas everyone (again)! We had a wonderful time!

What is Your Opinion?

Well................

Some folk have an answer to that question no matter the topic, idea, how it is presented, and no matter the circumstance.

Do you have an opinion about the dish pictured here?
I could express an opinion about this dish because I know what the ingredients are, who made it, when I ate it, how it tasted etc. but could you express an opinion about this dish?

I recall some years back, John (my daughter's partner at that time) asked "Carla you can't have an opinion about everything can you?" Her reply "yes" and believe me she had an opinion about everything, and never hesitated to give it to you whether you asked for it or not. There was very seldom a time when I didn't know where I stood with my beautiful daughter Carla (now able to express her opinions in God's house) because she was always blunt, to the point and she was rarely stuck for an opinion. This is an area where her & I had a definite difference (of opinion).....I think 'when giving opinions (asked for or not) one should use some diplomacy in responding'. I know people who use endless words & countless minutes trying to express an opinion about something and in the end it has become so watered-down & convoluted the meaning is totally lost. Some place in between those two extremes there is a middle ground which is quite acceptable (my opinion of course).

However having said that, I still can't quite come up with an opinion about everything. There are some things I simply couldn't express an opinion about (without some research) except to say that I have no opinion.......but is that an opinion (to have no opinion)?.......sort of like to make no choice is to have made a choice.........hmmmmm not sure. What is your opinion???

From Pristine to Rubble

Just short days ago I wrote about laughter, the furthest thing from the minds of the Haitian people at this moment, whose capital city & surrounding area was, on January 12, devastated by a .7 Earthquake.

Port Au Prince, Haiti's capital city was at the heart of this quake. I simply just cannot imagine what this would be like to live through and though my heart is with the people who have to endure this devastation, I hope we never have to experience this kind of tragedy.

From pristine to rubble in such a short few minutes; the presidential palace was not immune to the grip of the quake.

I have tried and tried to put myself in the shoes of these people but as I sit in a house intact, watch cars drive down the street, make my lunch, play with Mocha and do all the things we take for granted, I just can't quite get out of the shoes I am so used to wearing. There is nothing that could ever prepare me to face a tragedy like this. Again, I hope this is something we never have to face.

Laughter, the Best Medicine

I've heard many hilarious things 'out-of-the-mouths-of-babes' or have just been able to laugh myself silly as the little one giggles in wild abandon at something toe tickling. I cherish those funny times with the kids and grand kids when they were small.

I'm not quite sure though if it's the times or if it's just me but so much of what is referred to as humor 'is just not funny' to me. What have I missed? Am I just getting too old?

Seriously though.........

There is the dude standing in front of me on a stage shouting every profanity he has ever learned, in his opening line. The crowd laughs uproariously - I sit like a bump on a log because I don't see it as funny.

How about 'America's Funniest Home Videos'.......the little guy comes ripping down the hill on his little saucer and SMASH!! he hits a post at the bottom. Ha Ha Ha - That's so bloody UN-funny I can't contain myself.

I love a good laugh as much as the next but when someone is humiliated or hurt I don't consider it laughable.

I think sometimes people laugh at things going on because others around them are laughing. That's sad - I can find enough to laugh at (including myself) without being a monkey and immitating the one next to me.

Laughter really is the best medicine but I want to laugh, not because the label says it's funny, but because something tickles my senses (even if it's just the teensiest bit south of normal).

Beyond the Sharing

Beyond the sharing we were all taught as 'chilluns', there is a Chinese Proverb that says:

When someone shares something of value with you and you benefit from it, you have a moral obligation to share it with others.

I believe that is a wonderful thought; if only we would remember to live by it.

I feel totally obligated to share this reminder of it with you.........:)

The Queen of Spades

THE QUEEN OF SPADES

General Meaning: Representing the energy of a Queen, this feminine power was traditionally known as a widow, crone or divorcee. In modern times, she can be viewed as a model of self-sufficiency, independence and intelligence. She often has extremely high standards due to her subtle sensitivities, which can be perceived by those around her as being critical or hard to please. Her true motive is to refine the world, to upgrade peoples' understanding -- so that everyone can have the space they need to become fully themselves.

She is not interested in conforming. She is too intelligent to be confined to the role of housewife or nursemaid, although she is perfectly competent in those areas. She chooses her associations (or her solitude), and is seldom caught up in dependent relationships -- at least not for long. Her intelligence is not always the most comfortable to be around, but she can be counted on to see through superficiality and point to the truth of a situation.

Who cares you say.....well......

While on a daily walk (and usual route) with Mocha on Tuesday I had decided that on the walk this day I would try to rid my mind of the cobwebs, make special effort to breathe deeply some cool crisp air, look closely at the trees, listen intently to the outside sounds, hope for sunshine & just generally pay attention to whatever we might encounter that may be worthy of note. The trek took me past a yard where lay a playing card (almost on the sidewalk) 'The Queen of Spades'. Hmm I'm thinking, "I wonder, what if anything, is the significance of that". I gave it a couple sidelong glances & carried on down the street. The next day (Wednesday) we again took our usual traverse & I found the card still there. I gave it a long look & a couple sidelong glances as I again passed it by, a couple thoughts 'n questions going through my mind. A few feet down the walk Mocha chose the activity that demands a halt to the walk with attention to other duties. As I stood waiting I looked back at the playing card, thinking that for who knows what reason, I should pick it up because it may have been on my path for some reason. I completed my duty with the little 'baggie' then went back the few feet to retrieve the 'Queen of Spades' playing card which I placed in my pocket & brought home. Now I'm looking at the card, quite worn, creased & rumpled, with a hole poked in the centre, I've searched the internet & found the general meaning of the card and now I'm wondering what if anything was the importance of this whole encounter.

Maybe I just need something more consuming to occupy my mind........:) but I still think it might have some significance; what do you think?

She Went That Way

from: 'The Road Not Taken'
"Two roads diverged in a wood and I -
I took the one less traveled"
- Robert Frost

I have been meaning to blog this topic even since Linda suggested I check out the Saturday writing prompt on the Writers' site but as in life when working gets in the way of playing, other ideas kept getting in the way of my words on this topic.......which brings up another point; I wrote a poem that talked about the fork in the road; alas I can't find it; can't remember the name of it; so I gave up looking; I will discover it again when I choose the path that leads me to it.......BUT anyway here goes.....

Like most, I have come to crossroads along my journey & had to make the choice to take this way or that. Everyone makes these choices in their own way, often using elaborate methods of measuring, counting & weighing. How do I make my choice?.......almost always by 'gut' unless the choice is so blatantly obvious I don't need to check my instincts. Has this served me well? I have to say yes because I firmly believe that even what seems a wrong choice affords some benefit (at least of learning; even if the lesson seems minute in relation to the journey & not readily discernible) and also I believe it was the choice I was supposed to make. Sometimes it seems we are never shown the benefit of our choices though I feel certain they exist.

Sometimes difficult to accept is the fact that we have even made a choice when so many times it seems fate has just dealt us a rotten hand. Truth is (as cliche as they come) having made no choice is having made the choice.

When it seems clear & I think I have made a wrong choice, is it easy for me to accept that I have made the choice intended?............of course not..........I still work on that, trying to find the lesson in everything.

I chose to stay in a marriage that was less than joyful for both of us.

I chose to leave that marriage when a 'less than joyful situation' seemed no longer worth the effort.

I chose to move to Virginia when (in hindsight) it would have been to my benefit in many ways to remain in Alberta.

I chose to leave home & family once again & move to Surrey to be with George.

I chose, I chose, I chose, I chose.......I could go on but I think the long & short of it is, my choices were made in order that I could follow the path I came here to walk, filled with a lifetime of learning.......and oh the lessons!

Riding Lessons for Benjamin

The youngest of my 'grand kids', Benji(e), (otherwise known as 'My Special Little Benji(e) with an E')............yes of course there is a story behind that (left for another day though) shown here at his riding lessons. He was especially happy when he opened his Christmas present this year & found more riding lessons. Seems he may have found his special 'activity'......hope so little man!

Love you & wish I were close so I could come watch you ride now 'n again! Here is a nice horse story for you to enjoy.......(no granny didn't write the story).

A Horse That Wore Snow Shoes
Mr. Brown had to go to his camp at Pine Tree Valley, which is in the midst of the mountains in California. His men were cutting down the giant trees, and piling them in readiness for the Spring freshet, or floods of the river, when the snows melted. Then they would slide them down the mountain sides to the little villages below. There was a great deal of snow on the mountains, and Mr. Brown knew it would be hard work climbing to the camp, but Lady Gray was strong, and used to it. Lady Gray was Mr. Brown's pet horse, and carried him everywhere. She was always happy when her master was in the saddle. But to-day the snow was very deep and soon Mr. Brown had to get off, throw away the saddle, and lead her. They had to stop very often, and lean against the trees and rocks for support, while they rested and regained their breath. In places the snow was so deep and soft, that they sank above their knees. Late in the afternoon they reached the camp nearly exhausted, and it was several days before they were able to return. The snow was still deep and Mr. Brown knew he must go back on snow-shoes, but he was afraid Lady Gray would have to be left behind.
Finally one of the men suggested making her some snow-shoes. They cut four round pieces of board, twelve inches across, and fastened them on with rope. Lady Gray seemed to understand what they were for and tried very hard to walk in them. She was very awkward at first and could hardly stand up, but by practicing a little every day she was soon able to manage nicely. So Mr. Brown and Lady Gray both returned on snow-shoes, and how every one did laugh when they saw them.
But Lady Gray never could have done it if she had not tried.

Whose Logic is it Anyway?

Middle of the night you wake under necessity to use the lou (sp); still half asleep you stumble out of bed, head in the general direction of the facility; get yourself aimed (so you think) at the doorway (where inside you can relieve this urge that threatens to embarrass you); you make a dash for the saving grace of the white bowl; CRASH!; a few minutes later, very much awake in spite of colored flashing stars floating around your head, you find yourself sitting on the floor in a pool of something very wet. I'll be a skunk's cousin if some dumb shit hasn't closed the door to the bathroom & I have just peeeeed all over the bloody floor! How gracious is that and who would close the bathroom door?

My logic says the bathroom door shall remain open unless in use (even then it sometimes remains open unless there is company in the house). Hmmmm.

Early riser, I wake ready for the day (or so I think). Even though once I have wakened I don't seem able to get back to sleep, I still feel slightly less conscious than required to function fully, but I step into my slippers, shuffle out of the bedroom and down the hallway toward the kitchen & my morning cup of tea. Rubbing my eyes as I near the mark.......another CRASH! This crash didn't cause loss of bodily functions or require me to pick myself up from the runway but a finger from the hand that was rubbing found its way inside my eye & now I'm blinded on one side. Wonderful! Now some dumb shit has left the pantry door open and I am unable to see from one eye for at least 13 minutes. Almost as gracious as the bathroom incident and who would leave the pantry door open anyway?

My logic says the pantry door shall remain closed unless one is getting supplies from within (after which it shall be closed again). Hmmmmm.

Moving right along with my day I decide to see what's on the tube. I catch the name of a new movie that looks interesting........Oh, let's write that down so I don't forget the name (seems my memory gets shorter with each passing day); I reach for the writing stick I have left on the end table to make my note; just like magic it has disappeared; left for parts unknown! Now, on the way into the living room I tripped over a fishing box, picked up a dirty cup, dirty socks & doggy toys all about the floor, collected used tissues for the garbage, searched out the TV remote (from another lifetime)....but alas no writing stick! Some dumb shit has decided to put away the bloody writing stick! After a 20 minute search I found it in a cup where all the other writing sticks were kept. Who would choose to 'put away' something so tiny & insignificant yet leave all the other crap laying around?

My logic says there should be something to write upon and with, in the room I watch TV so I can make notes if I want and all the other crap whose home is not the room where I watch TV, should be picked up, put away or thrown away by the person who left it/them there. Hmmmmmm.

Now I say, whose logic is it anyway......?

What I Don't Have

It seems I always want what I don't have.

Another year gone.....I look back one year; getting ready to go back to work after a couple weeks off thinking I needed at least another two weeks; I am thinking today that I need to get back to work (sometimes maybe) or at least have a little outside interest. Seems I always want what I don't have.....(gotta get a handle on that!)

We had, by the beginning of 2009, the worst winter for snowfall that BC has ever experienced, George telling me it was because they were trying to make this Albertan feel welcome & at home here. I recall wishing the snow would be gone & driving would be back to normal in this crazy-driving-place (my label). This year I was thinking that it really is nice to have a white Christmas (at least for the day). Once again I want what I don't have.

USA swears in the first black president last year; a historic event. I recall being glad about that & remember thinking how I quite liked him, watching all the broadcasts that came along. The TV coverage of this event went on forever to the point I was wishing I had never heard the name Barack Obama & longed to be watching something elce (anything elce) on the tube. Yet once more I want what I don't have.

During the year we saw a few plays at Surrey Arts Centre, attended 'The Symphony in the Park' in Burnaby, we spent a nice week away in Reno, spent a very nice few days traveling Olympic Peninsula, trip to Winnipeg, a cruise & week in DisneyWorld, shared a few visits with Aaron & Katie (always a highlight for me), we attended Shelby's graduation (a very special occasion) & had nice visits back home & attended the Writers' Group & Shelby's school production of Romeo & Juliette, I congratulated a good friend on the birth of twins, did some 'dinner 'n movie' things with family, ended a job, did some 'across the border' shopping, had visits from 'baby Levi', found a juice that improved my 'knee problem', traveled to Arizona when George's dad passed away, saw some upsets for Aaron with his football season both playing and coaching, saw the death of a dear friend & fellow writer. (Now, how was that for a long, dis-jointed sentence?)

We had a very busy, full year.......I was tired & longing for an end to hustle 'n bustle. Now it's over I am looking for 'something' to busy myself with (besides that Farmville good grief).............True to form I want what I don't have.

Did you notice here that (other than my Newsletter) I did such very little writing?

.......(gotta get a handle on that!).

To Everyone!