Just One More Week

(SWP Feb 05, 2011)

I sat gazing out the window of the little house that had been my home for the past six months looking at nothing in particular; just staring outside thinking; thinking about life beyond the very tall wired fence that now surrounded me; what I would do when I was allowed to go beyond the gates of this god-awful place I had gotten myself into; what would be the very first thing I would eat; what would be the very first thing I said to the wide open spaces beyond this prison house; what I would say to the person responsible for my being here. The minutes slowly passed. This daydream had become a ritual at this time every afternoon for the past week as I counted the days until my parole hearing. It was next Tuesday at 3:00 pm; my parole hearing. Would I finally be free from the constantly bickering women who seemed to live for any kind of drug they could get smuggled inside; free from the constant pressure from those same women trying to get me to “just try it”; free from the advances of the lesbians looking for a partner; free from the psychologists who continually tried to get me to admit I did something wrong and felt sorry for it. I shuddered myself back to reality as I heard the door open and another inmate from our little house entered. She was the only person I had been able to talk to throughout my stay here and unfortunately for her, she would most likely be here for a long time yet, her crime somewhat more serious than what I had been found guilty of.

She came over to me; I faced her rather wistful smile.  “Well Sadie you have only another week here. Though I can’t in good heart say I am sorry to see you go” she said, “I will truly miss you and little Tanner.” I hugged Savannah.

As if on cue when hearing his name little Tanner stirred and made this noise that said “I’m awake now, please come pick me up.”

Smiling at the sound I quickly went to little Tanner’s crib and gently lifted him and held him close. Tanner was my ray of sunshine in an otherwise hopeless situation; my inspiration to make the best plan for my release. I felt such shame at having brought him into the world under these circumstances but I couldn't change that now.

Somehow I needed to decide what I would do when I got out of this hell-hole; put the experience behind me and try to move on or seek revenge in some way. Seeking revenge seemed to have my attention most of the time because I just wanted to get even for having been unjustly charged and because the guilty party just let me fry. Tanner was the only thing that kept me from a final decision of seeking revenge on who had become my most hated acquaintance. 

As I sat down (still holding Tanner close), I picked up the daily newspaper. The front page shocked me speechless. There staring at me was a very familiar face under the headline “Fatal Crash Kills Driver” with further highlights “Crash leads to discovery of drug house  near Stattler Creek Road”.

I had contemplated finding her; seeking revenge in some manner. I spent long nights dreaming up ways to get back at her. I could quite easily have found out where she had gone. If not for feeling sorry for her and wanting to help her, I wouldn't be in this predicament. After all I had done for her she ran away and left me ‘holding the bag’ (as the saying goes); and quite literally ‘holding the bag’……..of stolen money; money she had taken from proceeds of the sale of the Lions Club raffle tickets. Unfortunately I was unable to prove the money was in my possession by mistake and had to take the rap. Thinking back on it now I was quite convinced this was not the first such incident she had been involved in. It was clear to me now she had taken advantage of me and manipulated my sensitivity.

This news changed things but also took away any possibility that I could ever clear my name. I guess I would just have to live with that.

Looking down at the bundle in my arms I smiled and for the first time was satisfied with the direction my life would be going. With a lighter heart I felt more confident about the parole hearing. Next Tuesday could not come soon enough for me and little baby Tanner. Just one more week.

Wild and Free

(SWP Jun 25, 2011)

He is wild and free, to ride is forbidden but I long to feel the wind in my hair, the exhilaration of speed.  exhilarationexexexee                      exhilarationexHe is wild & free and to ride is forbidden but I long to feel the wind in my hair, the  exhilarationexexexee                      exhilarationex 

The open road is freedom.

(Here is my poem about being wild and free with the wind.)

A Ride On The Wind

I was hitching a ride one day

going some place far far away

I waited a while as the day passed

thinking to hurry get there fast

The cars drove by me standing there

nobody wanting this kind of fare

Finally a prospect stopped (friend or foe)

I jumped at the chance just to go

I was taken quickly away from this life

making scarce my burdened strife

I watched a new life unfold that day

riding with the wind on my way

The wind let me drive, the only chance

to see the future unfold in dance

The joy of living unfolded ahead of me

not back where once I wanted to be

I could feel changes blowing on my face

see clearly the lines I could trace

What a glorious discovery I had made

to look ahead watch behind fade

I was in the drivers seat that day a friend and me

The day I hitched a ride with the wind wild and free

A Friendship Lost

On a more serious note....

Have you lost a friendship?

Friendships can be a rewarding part of our life; they can also be a difficult part of our life.

It's sad to lose a friend regardless of how it comes about; whether they move away, you move away, whether you lose touch with a friend who lives close, or whether a good friend dies. Obviously death is permanent and a loss which can't be mended, only the feeling lessened over time. Moving away is difficult but you can continue to keep in touch with each other across the miles.

Probably the most difficult of all would be losing touch with a good friend who lives close by. Sometimes friends just grow apart. Sometimes to lose touch with someone close means there has been a misunderstanding that has caused hard feelings of one sort or another. This could be mended if both people are willing to have discussions but not possible if only one wants it to work.

What I find frustrating is the situation that places a barrier between friends that comes about when members of both friends' families have had a falling out. Just because my family member had a disagreement with a family member of my friend doesn't necessarily mean that we as friends should carry this disagreement into our friendship. This has happened to me and I get annoyed (and hurt to think the friendship meant so little). It's almost like a 'guilt by association' situation. If I was present when a bank was being robbed, would I be guilty of the robbery just because I was there? On yet a more serious note, if I happened to be walking past the place where a murder was taking place, would I be guilty of the murder.......would I be guilty because I was nearby? I would like to think the answer to both would be NO and yet losing a friendship because of a disagreement of family members or even someone associated with both parties, happens........disheartening to be part of this.

Would you make your friend pay the price of a disagreement of someone else, (perhaps if that someone else is someone you love very much)?
Separate that disagreement from your friendship; it should not stand in the way.

Running and Smelling

WHY DOES YOUR NOSE RUN AND YOUR FEET SMELL?

The Nose:

Well, you would run too if you were subjected to the myriad odors the nose is continually forced to inhale; I say forced because we have to breathe; to breathe means we must take in the surrounding air; the odors in the surrounding air cannot be separated from the air itself, in fact they become part of the air itself; therefore whatever odors are present you are forced to endure (whether you like them or not) just because you must breathe.

The Feet:

Well you would smell too if you were placed inside a sock-like dressing, then inside an airtight shoe-like housing (for hours on end); the toes jammed tightly together would need to smell (sniff) to get some air, without which they would simply suffocate.

Now then...........having said that......

WHY DOES YOUR NOSE RUN AND YOUR FEET SMELL?

That is a million dollar question but rather a useless waste of time to think about (well not really I guess; if it makes one think it isn't really useless). So why am I writing about it you ask? I suppose because it is rather nonsensical, but I just called it a million dollar question.........what do I mean, that I will miraculously get a million dollars for pondering this ridiculous question? To ponder this question is sort of like questioning the entire English language. Why do we call a potato a potato.......because that's what it is called; that's its name like my name is Grace (I think)........why did I call it a million dollar question then.........because that's an expression used in our language to indicate that something is of significance (or perhaps because of the ridiculousness of it). Whatever fits is the answer, sort of like if the shoe fits, wear it (a topic to write about at some future date).

Anyway, our nose doesn't actually RUN; what comes from inside the nose is what is running.........it RUNS out from inside the nose.

Our feet don't actually SMELL; they can get smelly but it would be the nose that would detect the odor in such a case.

So there you have it........noses don't RUN and feet don't SMELL.

I hope I haven't burst anyone's bubble (if you were expecting some wise and wonderful insight); it's just fun to write about ridiculous things sometimes, so lighten up and give it a try, you might like it!

No wonder "English" is considered a difficult language to learn.........Noses running and Feet smelling indeed!

The Dragonfly, My Legend

THE DRAGONFLY

(MY VERY OWN LEGEND)

That was “The Story of the Dragonfly” as I have heard it; followed by my very own legend of THE DRAGONFLY. What an amazing little creature!

The evolution of the Dragonfly symbolizes CHANGE; change in realizing the mental and emotional maturity and understanding of life and what deeper meaning it has…….going beyond the surface to look at deeper aspects of life.

Symbolizing POWER; the ability to move in all directions, hover, move at 45 miles per hour is boggling to the mind. The dragonfly can do all this (with the amazing grace of a dancer) while only flapping its wings 30 times per minute. Compare this to mosquitoes at 600 times per minute and houseflies at 1000 times per minute.

It is said the iridescent properties of wings and body symbolizes the END of SELF CREATED ILLUSIONS, giving way to a clear look at reality; removing doubts cast on self identity, discovery of self and the removal of inhibitions.

The dragonfly flies just a few short months; LIVES IN THE MOMENT; lives its life to the fullest. Living in the moment you can, be aware of who you are, where you are, what you are doing, what you want, what you don’t want and make informed choices on a moment-to-moment basis.

Ability to see all 360 degrees around it, the eyes of the dragonfly are most amazing, symbolizing OPENING ONE’S EYES; inhibited vision of the mind and ability to see beyond limitations of the human self.

To the Japanese the dragonfly symbolizes SUMMER AND AUTUMN; it is admired and respected so much that the Samurai use it as a symbol of POWER, AGILITY AND VICTORY.

In China the dragonfly is associated with PROSPERITY, HARMONY and as a GOOD LUCK CHARM.

Among Native Americans the dragonfly symbolizes HAPPINESS, SPEED and PURITY………purity because it eats from the wind itself.

What Will They Choose

WHAT WILL THEY CHOOSE

(That is the question)

Snarky was becoming impatient as he watched from his hiding place, sure that Nogard and Lesmad had gone away without telling everyone the stories they had promised to tell, coming back only to get things stirred up in their little community.

It was getting late when Nogard and Lesmad finally wakened. They felt rested and quickly went in search of the villagers, being very careful to fold their wings away before going down into the water. Everyone anxiously awaited their return to share the grand feast and hear of their intriguing adventures on the other side. They ate until they were very full; then settled down so that Nogard could begin to tell his family and friends what he had learned.

There was loud cheering when Nogard told them about the journey up the lily pad stem to a wonderful place of green grass, trees, sunshine and lots of food. He explained to them about the ‘change’ they would all experience, not if but when, they decided to go to the other side; the beautiful wings, the amazing colors, the ability to fly in any direction and so very quickly. Almost everyone said they wanted to make the trip now this very night…………except Snarky who remained skeptical and in hiding.

Silence fell over them though when Nogard told the next part of his story; the part about not being able to return once they left their watery home; the part about being able to live for only a couple months once they arrived on the other side even though it was a much better life than they all had here. Of course he had to explain how it was that he was able to come back to tell his story; how an amazing huge 'grandfather' dragonfly had granted him and Lesmad this one-time wish to return to see them.

Some of the villagers believed his story; some did not, thinking he was only telling them the sad part of the story so that he could have the good life all to himself. Snarky warned them all again not to pay any mind to Nogard, that he was up to no good.

So it is that some dragonflies have a longer life than others; they have chosen to stay in their watery home for a longer time; others make the choice to climb the lily pad stem very young; regardless of which they choose, once they reach the other side they have only a few short months of life. Knowing this, these beautiful creatures make the most of every single moment, missing not one chance for excitement and happiness in their new home.

What will they choose………..that is their question.

This is My Very Own Legend of the Drangonfly.

Lesmad and Nogard Found the Way

LESMAD AND NOGARD FOUND THE WAY

Finally it had happened; everyone was overjoyed as the sun glistened on their watery home; a light breeze softly rippled the waters above them. They would never again feel that incredible sadness; Lesmad and Nogard had returned with wonderful news from the world above the water. Of course, Snarky was his usual self as he eyed the pair who had returned to bring the good news, sneering at all the happy smiles around him. “You will see” he retorted “it is not truth sliding from their tongues; beware. If you follow them you will not return.”

Nogard took her hand. “Come Lesmad let’s rest; this trip has exhausted me; you must be very tired as well and I need to get away from Snarky before we have a grand ‘settlement’; then I won’t be in any frame of mind to share this story with our friends.” They found a nice place close to the surface where the water made small little pools around the lily pads just before entering the other place; they had found the best of both worlds where they could rest and regain their strength.

The others busied themselves preparing a grand feast for their friends who, at great risk, had returned to bring wonderful news to their simple and comfortable life in the pond. They believed this news meant there would be no sadness ever again when one of their friends got that irresistible urge to climb the stem of the lily pad on the way to new adventures into the other place. They felt certain to learn the secret soon. Everyone was curious about the change and why Nogard and Lesmad looked so different now; everyone except Snarky who wandered the watery little village streets looking over his shoulder and down his nose at everyone. “They will all be sorry when the truth comes out” he said; “there can be no possible advantage come from this.”

Small insects and even tadpoles were gathered and prepared for the feast that evening. Everyone patiently waited for Lesmad and Nogard to waken, rested, rejuvenated and ready to tell their story. Snarky arrived early, ate his fill, then wiggled his way behind a thick lily pad stem where he could listen to the wild tales and not be seen by the others.

To Be Continued..................

More Complicated

MORE COMPLICATED

His decision was made; Nogard went in search of Lesmad to see if she would help him find a way to return. When Nogard found her, Lesmad was sitting on the petal of beautiful yellow rose not far from the oak tree he sat under while he thought about his decision. Sad when she heard his decision, Lesmad told Nogard there was more to know; perhaps knowing the whole story would change his decision. Nogard told her his mind was made up but of course he would listen to whatever she had to tell him, positive or not.

Well…………it seems that the longest part of a dragonfly's life is that part spent as a nymph in the water where they can sometimes live as long as four years. Once they have transformed as Nogard and Lesmad had, they mate, lay their eggs and might only live for a couple of months in these beautiful new surroundings where they had the freedom to fly so freely. Learning this, Nogard became even more saddened to think he had such a short time to spend with his newfound friend, Lesmad.

Now Nogard was faced with telling the sad story of the dragonfly as well as the exciting part of finding a better and more glorious life here on the other side. It would be hard for him to do but he believed that his family and friends all deserved to know the truth, so they could make their own decision to stay below, living a longer life or come here to live a much better but shorter life. He wasn’t at all sure what he would have done had he known the whole truth.

 As well as having to find a way to return, this new knowledge had made his task of telling his story a little more complicated. He must get to work; he didn’t have a lot of time.

To Be Continued..................

To Tell or Not To Tell

TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL

(That is the question)

 Nogard had reached the end of the lily pad stem and as he poked his head out of the water he was instantly warmed by sun. It had been a long journey; he lay down on the lily pad to rest; there he fell fast asleep in the warmth of the sun. Not knowing how long he slept, he woke feeling warm and still a bit drowsy but was delighted to see a being from the other side looking down at him. He had never seen anything so beautiful and wondered how one so simple as he could ever hope to impress one so beautiful as she. As he thought about that, he came to realize that while he slept he had transformed; he was no longer the little insect who had climbed up the stem of the lily pad to explore the other side. He could see his reflection in the water; he had become a handsome graceful creature with wings; he had become the same kind of creature as the beauty who had been waiting for him to waken.

Nogard smiled at her. Lesmad smiled at him. Soon it was as if they had known each other forever. Lesmad bid Nogard to follow her so that she could show him around this new place. He was surprised to find that all he needed to do was move his wings and he was flying through the air. With a little coaching from Lesmad he soon discovered he could move forward, backward, up, down, or just stop in mid air to hover. He could turn quickly in any direction he chose. This was a glorious new life; much better in fact than the one he had left behind!

He must return and tell the others from his home far beneath the surface of the water so they too could enjoy this life on the other side. Sadly though, Lesmad told him that his decision to come here to this place was a permanent decision and one that he would not be able to reverse. There was no way to return to his birthplace.

Saddened, Nogard flew over to a shady place under a huge oak tree and settled on a spot on the grass beneath the tree. He contemplated his situation for some time, finally coming to understand the evolution of his species and knowing that all who were left behind would follow the same path when they were ready, as he had done. But would it not be better to tell them so that they could begin to enjoy this happy new life sooner?

He must make a decision whether he would look for a way to return or just leave life to happen in its own time.

To tell or not to tell……….that was his question.

To Be Continued................

The Legand of the Dragonfly

Read on....................My Very Own Legend of the Dragonfly.

Happy New Year

HAPPY NEW YEAR

and may 2013 bring health and

 happiness to everyone.