Dear Me

Now then…….it’s 5:00 am (just like you say to me sometimes) and I have never been to sleep; not ever; not since I was born; I don’t get covers; I don’t have a pillow; I don’t go to bed; I don’t even have a bed to go to. Do you think that’s a little unfair? You tell me all the time how you can’t sleep because this, that or the other has ruptured your soul by some act of unkindness or some thoughtless deed. I listen; I let you pour out your heart to me. I never judge you or your actions. I keep your secrets. I am always here for you. Do you think you could at least hold me tenderly before you throw me into your drawer or better yet do you think you could hold me to your heart for just a moment; let me feel its beat; then place me some where warm and soft where I might at least be glimpsed by other people instead of having to stay hidden away in the dark drawer, underneath all your undies smelling of laundry soap and fabric softener? Do you think?

  

My jacket is in need of repair; it has holes in both sleeves. My insides are so tattered and worn; some are going to fall out soon; most are filled with, or waiting to digest emotional confessions of one sort or another; many are wrinkled and stained from the tears that fell on them; few are left on which you could give me any more food for thought; what will become of the whole when the parts are full? I worry about that. Will I be tossed away to remain in that dark drawer forever with the laundry scent, or worse will I be tossed away in some trunk and taken to the attic to be found by someone maybe 20 years following? I can’t let that happen because I have vowed to keep your secrets. Don’t leave me behind unprotected or I won’t be able to keep my promise to you. That will crush me if I must betray you.

I feel so alone when you aren’t filling my insides with grumblings, happenings, words and thoughts. Sometimes there are periods when you abandon me for weeks on end; seems like those are your happiest times; I hear your laughter but I don’t get to feel it. I would like to feel the happy times too; not just the trials. I heard you tell someone just the other day that your beautiful grand babies were coming to visit; how excited you were to be seeing them; how much you missed them; all the things you were going to do together. If only I could have felt your excitement inside of me; just hearing your words isn’t the same; hearing about the things you will do is not the same as taking me there with your pen. I want to feel the sunshine in your heart. Do you think you could share the happy times with me?

Do you think?

This is what has been keeping me awake………. Dear, Dear Me.